Blow of Fight Club

-- updated 27.2 2008 --

I just watched the movie Fight Club and realized that the movie is somewhere deep in my subconsciousness. Or the affect of seeing this particular film at a certain age, 16 at the time, is irreversible.

I won´t argue that the movie doesn´t use some shallow methods at times and represent a flawed view of the world. It is Ok for a movie to do that to a certain point. And I am not saying that is so "deep" or so "cool". There are many movies that include heavier substance than this movie.

But I remember the night I saw the film. For some reason I had nothing to do on a friday night. I asked my dad to drop me off to a movie theater located in Kotkansaari, about 9 km from where I live. When our car stopped in front of the theater, the door man was just opening the doors and watched me get off the car in my leather jacket and long scarf. When I walked inside to the empty lobby, the doorman (who also sold tickets) said " Was that your dad outside? Yes? Well, then I can let you in. This movie is not for people under 18". At the time I was irritated by the fact that he did not take me for a 18 year old. Not even with my leather jacket!

There was something like 4 people in the theater. The movie had been shown something like 2 weeks or so..When the movie began, and the scene with Norton against the tits of Bob was on the screen, I remember thinking "what the fuck is this..?" And after that I was in a state of muddled confusion right to the point when Tyler leaves and the ending starts to reveal. I wasn´t excited about the film, like "OMG fucking great movie!" It was more like a quiet enthusiasm and feeling that I just saw something I had not seen before.

This was the time when I started to really see movies, not just watch them. Time when I started to get interested in different kinds of films. Same time I tried to watch Le Mempris for about 7 times and never understood it. This was the time, when ( I´m ashamed to say) my consciousness was opening and possibly expanding, at least in terms of film and the world of cinema. So although I´ve never really considered this to be a film that is really important to me, it is one of them that really left a mark.

Weakest thing, possibly quite fatal thing in Fight Club is that biggest movie stars of our time with great muscles and looks talk about things like "self improvement is masturbation" and "not everyone will be movie stars and rock gods".. and so on. They represent the thing this movie is against. Or atleast tries to be. So this is the frustrating double-dealing point of this movie. But if we look past this, we can see a quite good package of visual storytelling and ideas about the world and the lifestyle going on in the late 90´s and feel the excitement and energy of the movie.

Interesting point is that when "the narrator" starts realizing that his life is not what he wants and tries to change it, he goes insane ( or meets Tyler). Like one must go insane to act like he feels like... The lead character never gets any help to his insanity, but works it all out himself. So this is a story how to over come schizophrenia. And how this one messed up guy becomes an icon for hundreds of people. Unwillingly. And how his mental illness just toys whit these people.
Scenes like where one guy tells tales about the "mysterious and great Tyler Durden" How he sleeps only 1 hour a night and was born in a mental institution, tell us something about the absurd grip of this story. And when one of the Tylers gang members says "when he said ´you are not your job!´ I was like; FUCK YEAH!". Viewer can easily understand that the makers are not so serious about this revolution..

I remember that somebody criticized the film about being fascistic. That might be, but that is also part of the attraction. At least for me. I´m not saying that I would like to live in a Tyler Durden- house. But in a way FightClub deals with freedom and finding alternatives to the way of living in our society. Oddly these kind of explorations often lead to situations that are easily interpreted as fascistic. If freedom is organized it ceases to be what it originally was.

And even if I don´t live like the guys in the films, I still have something in me that resonates with lines like these (even though they might be a bit corny) :

"Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may."

"Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. "

"You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? "

" Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We are God's unwanted children? So be it!"

" First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die. "

Prejudgment defines the opinion

I´m somewhat concerned about the fact that most movie reviews and opinions of movie goers have little to do with the movie, but much more with their own opinions about what they would have wanted to see.

( At this point, I´m quite sure that I´ve written about this here earlier. )

This is something I´ve noticed by analyzing my own behavior and people around me. For example, If I wait for a movie for a long time, read what it is about and what kind of characters it has and so on, the probability for me not liking it rises. If I go to movies, wishing to see say like a romantic comedy, I want to see the classic figures in these kind of movies, not seeing what the movie offers me instead. If I go to see a film with a "clean table", I give the movie much more changes to give me emotional or intellectual experience. Whether I like it or not, which I then can decide after the movie.

This applies to all things, not only movies. There is no simple way to get rid of ones prejudgments or not having them to affect the experience. And it cannot be measured or predicted what the outcome would be if the person wouldn´t have known anything about the film just watched. But I guess the important thing would be to see that this affects the judgment. And more importantly the way one experiences life.

One of the most heart braking things I know is a person who plans and thinks a lot about what kind of things are going to happen and what they are like and how perfect is this and that when we go to this place...and so on. In small things in life, like going to holidays/trips/restaurants...
Cause life is not like that. Nothing is ever like you plan it, and that is a good thing.
The amount of stress and tension decreases considerably when a person can let go of these pre assumptions and exact visions of things beyond ones power. I am not talking about cynicism, like everything will suck anyway so lets just be happy that this sucks less. I´m talking about accepting and adjusting to situations, whit minimal demands for surroundings from your narrowed vision of the situation.

Getting back to movies and reviewing them, the lack of prejudgment comes more difficult whit every movie one sees, but I think that for example it could be a good thing that movie critics should not be allowed to know anything about the film they are about to see. The press shows would be just anonymous screenings during the week and critics would go there to see films randomly. This would not be practical, but interesting.

The saddest thing is that usually high hopes of things end up causing the most severe criticism. Sometimes much more severe than appropriate. Like I just saw a bunch of new Finnish films and hated almost every one of them.

Movies that make sense

Million Dollar Baby is a film about a boxing coach who loves the people he trains and therefore is unable to give them "big fights", cause he is afraid that they get beaten up too badly. So sooner or later the Fighters leave him. Until he reluctantly starts to train a girl and gets her to the top, then loses her just the way he fears. Se gets injured in a fight.

In the Valley of Elah is a film about a father who is a patriot, whose 2 boys have gone to the army. While investigating the missing of his older son he finds out that everything he has believed about the army, U.S.A. and therefore his entire life, has been, or at least is now, totally wrong and twisted.

Both of these movies are written by Paul Haggis. I am not surprised if 6 out of 10 would write the plot synopsis differently. For Example that Million Dollar Baby is about a woman boxer who wins her dreams or something like that.
That happens also in the movie, but it does not matter.
Valley of Elah tells us that the father finds out who has killed his son and so on, or the conspiracy in the army, but that is not so important also.

In both of these movies the main focus is how the lead character, and old man, deals with what decisions he does and how he copes with them and the decisions done in the past. In the Valley of Elah broads the view to the decisions of a whole country and to the war.

Lead character being a well-built, old, decent man also gives an interesting perspective. That same man could have been the hero of the movies while he was younger, but now he is just and old hero. Realizing that he is alone and all he has believed, or what he has done, has been wrong or meaningless. Now he tries to cope and find peace in himself, while, in both movies, a young energetic woman has taken the place of the hero, or the achiever. And it could be argued that the arrangement could have been the opposite some time ago. It also tells us something about our time and the ways of old perspectives.

These films give a simple, but meaningful statements, using somewhat usual stories or characters, but twisting them or making them the opposite. Sometimes a basic story, is a good foundation to a good filmmaker to do a film that has a meaning. These films are not great works of art. But in the field of film making they are good examples of films that at least make sense and are really well done.

It just seems to be the case that too many of us, including the people who study film making or watch them a lot have lost the ability to really watch movies. Some might say, including me, that these films contain some clichés or too common plots or characters. But no one never takes under consideration that a filmmaker would do this to use it for a purpose. Or just that we should or grow a bit more humble and not demand something innovative every time we see a movie.

Do we also have to grow old and on our last days see the iniquity of our ways? I think so. Or am I wrong?

Popcorn.

Went to the movies today. I got a free ticket which included a free "children´s combo" meaning a children´s size soda and popcorn measured for childrens usage. There was 1,5 liters of popcorn and 0.4 liters of lemonade.

I was with my girlfriend, so we ate it together. Movie was something over 2 hours, and when the movie ended, there was one or two popcorns left and some leftovers.

So, I´m just saying, that there was enough for us. in the children´s popcorn combo. for 2 hours for 2 adults. So, of course it is good that there are more choices in the menu, but the "normal" size is way too much for one guy, who in any case, is there ( or should be there ) to watch a film. Not to eat a whole meal. What would be a good thing, I think, to get them change the names of the "combos". It would please me if they were something like: regular, big and huge. Not: for children, normal and large.

here are the information available in finnkino website:

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POPCORN
Lasten	2,70 €
Normaali	4,10 €
Iso	5,60 €

MIKSI POPCORN ON NIIN HYVÄÄ?

Koska sen valmistamisesta on monen tuhannen vuoden kokemus. Maissin alkuperä on arvoitus, se tunnetaan ainoastaan viljeltynä. Intiaanit kasvattivat maissia jo 7 000 vuotta sitten ja Kolumbus toi sen mukanaan Eurooppaan.

Maississa, kuten muissakin viljalajikkeissa on runsaasti hyödyllistä energiaa, hitaasti imeytyviä hiilihydraatteja, tärkeitä ravintokuituja, hyviä valkuaisaineita ja korkealaatuisia kasvirasvoja. 100 grammaa Finnkinon popcornia sisältää peräti 10 grammaa ravintokuituja! Popcorn on turvallinen kivennäis- ja hivenainepommi. Popcorn on siis paljon yleistä käsitystä terveellisempi snack-tuote. Finnkino käyttää Popcornin paistamiseen kookosöljyä. Popcorn ei sisällä gluteenia, joten popcorn sopii myös keliakiaa sairastaville henkilöille.

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Findie: March of The Mediocre

I can not understand why Findie-scene, which has been quite well on the media lately, aims to be, at best, mediocre.

Usually things like computer graphics are quite impressive, length something close to respectable 90 minutes. But the script is nothing. Acting is unbearable and the image-storytelling is something too inferior to describe. And why is the humor so bad?

Being able to show your skills in technical pragmatics is one thing, but I think is not enough. That is not the function of making and indie film. No one is ( or maybe i should write: I am not) interested how well someone can frame a picture or light it with no money. That is a thing that one can learn, to some point atleast. To tell a story in the language of cinema, is the thing that is lacking from the indie (and mainstream) makers of today. And this is not only my personal opinion. Of course, this "to be original" might be something of a cliché, but there is some truth to it. "There is no need for intellect in maintaining a culture, but a genious, a true human is needed to create it." -....

Maybe (F)Indie is facing some sort of crisis now, when films made with big money deals whit splatter/horror/teen- sort of themes, which are commonly the subjects of indie-films. Or so it seems, cause I haven´t seen an indie film with any originality in years. If I have, it has been an american film with big distributors, and that doesn´t count.

For me, the most important things are; the idea of the story and the way of telling a story and characters, of course These things are almost every time set aside when making an indie film. Or so it seems. The way I see it it is more important to show how well one handles storytelling, apart from for example imagequality.. Of course findie is a large phenomenon and there are lots of different makers, but still, often it seems that some take pride in being "Findie-makers" and there fore it is a good thing to do something which does not even aim to be anything different. Apart from being somehow grotesque, containing bad humor or using in it self, the mark of indie, for to justify bad storytelling in some urban lovestory.

Santa Claus: The Final Tabu

Today is the premiere of the biggest Finnish Christmas movie Christmas-story ( Joulutarina ), I had the pleasure of getting invited to the special-guest screening on Wednesday.

I won´t argue ( too much anyway ) about the success of the movie it self, but what surprised me is how people reacted to the fact that it tried to present Santa Claus as a normal human being, a lonely and traumatized boy. In fact, the lead character wasn´t even santa claus, it was a boy/man called Nikolas.

It is an interesting pheonemon when movie doers now-a-days try to make films about superheroes. They quickly come to the conclusion that only when a man is somehow mentally damaged, can he do the things that most superheroes do. Think about Batman. A rich guy who beats bad guys wearing black rubber clothes. Well Santa Claus is not a super hero, but there are lots of similarities to the story and I think the approach has been similar in this case.

A man comes out once a year to deliver presents to children, what kind of man would he be like in reality? I think that the starting point in the story is at least logically true. A lonely ant traumatic child, who misses his parents and sister, who feels obliged to compensate being a burden to the small town whose people are taking care of him, being an orphan. First he gives presents to people who have helped him, later on to all children.

The fact that Nikolas stays in that state, that his madness grows even bigger during the years, is in no way funny or nice, but if we want that he keeps bringing the presents to the children, he must not find happiness in any other way. And trough suffering one becomes a saint, like St. Nicholas. (this is not in the movie, apart from small references and a very odd and symbolic ending of the film).

My point is, that it seems that Santa Claus has more power than we, or at least I think. Everyone hates the Coca-Cola santa, but everyone seems to reject the look of what could be the real santa. The story looks to me like being a basis for the myth that now-a-days surrounds the santa claus thing. This is how stories and myths are born; from some messed up guy, usually a loner who does something out of ordinary.
If the movie had been a tale about a jolly old man with elfs and singing, everyone would have hated it. But now the same people reject this story.

Is Santa Claus really that sacred? That it cannot be viewed from any other point of view? not to me. I think I´ve never had any relationship to santa. I hear that I was afraid of him when I was younger. But it is really funny that in our freedom of speech, liberal and politically-incorrect, nothing-is-sacred-kind of time, santa claus still holds his position of an icon, not to be changed.

The movie has many problems, I think it deals with the subject too lightly, superficially, even for a children movie. Children movies can be more scary than grownups seem to think. That kind of scary and dark stories are what affected me most when I was a kid. The movie is too fast, there is no space to breath and get in to the emotion.. Things like this. Acting is poor from time to time, even tough the lead man was good all the time. music was good but it increased the feel of the movie being "ahead of emotion" so the viewer was forced to feel, which is bad. But if there was something good, I think it was exactly this point, this what someone calls a Finnish way of looking life; melancholic and lonely life, of santa.

Tänne ei voi jäädä - arvostelu / We Can Not Stay Here - review

So, this is in Finnish only,

Minun Elokuvani 2007 - tapahtumassa annettu arvostelu

TÄNNE EI VOI JÄÄDÄ
Jussi Rautaniemi

TÄNNE EI VOI JÄÄDÄ on raikas elokuvakokemus. Päämäärättömästi harhailevan, työtä vieroksuvan ja muutenkin juurettoman nuorison keskuuteen sijoittuva tarina ei ole aivan tavallinen viime vuosien suomalaisessa elokuvassa. Tai ehkä on sittenkin: ajatelkaamme vaikkapa Perttu Lepän tai Dome Karukosken elokuvia. Tarkoitankin tässä sitä, minkälaisella tyylillä tarina on kerrottu. TÄNNE EI VOI JÄÄDÄ on kuin virkistävä tuulahdus niiltä ajoilta, jolloin erityisesti eurooppalainen elokuva käsitteli vakavia aiheita ja teemoja ilmavan kepeästi, totutuista kaavoista ja säännöistä piittaamatta. (Älköön kukaan nyt ymmärtäkö sanomaani siten, että jotenkin väheksyn Lepän tai Karukosken elokuvia. Päinvastoin, “Helmiä ja sikoja” ja “Tyttö sinä olet tähti” ovat ihastuttavia elokuvaelämyksiä. Haluan vain sanoa, että kerrontatavaltaan ne ovat klassisempia kuin Jussi Rautaniemen elokuva.)

Päiväkirjaa kokemuksistaan kirjoittava Eero saa Helsingissä tarpeekseen sikailevasta kämppiksestä, heittää tämän ulos kämpästä mutta lähtee samalla itsekin. Kohti entistä kotikaupunkia Karhulaa ja vanhaa ystävää Olavia, joka puolestaan on saanut häädön asunnostaan. Yhdessä kaverukset varastavat auton, hankkivat kasimillisen kameran ja lähtevät baanalle – lähirannalle bileisiin.

Hienosti kuvattu materiaali on vapautuneen hengittävästi leikattu, eikä ihme: Jussi Rautaniemi on erittäin taitava leikkaaja (tässä elokuvassa myös ohjaaja, käsikirjoittaja ja kuvaaja, tuottajakin). Kuvassa viipyillään harkitusti vain silloin kun se on tarpeen. Aivan riemastuttava on kohtaus, jossa auto varastetaan. Eeron ja Olavin jurona näyttäytynyt kaveri puhkeaa pälpättämään paskaa (kahvinjuonnin suhteesta sotien syttymiseen!) pysäköidyn auton omistajalle sillä välin kun Olavi piiloutuu auton takapenkille. Samalla jumalaisen kaunis Kevät esittäytyy Eerolle, ja hetikohta Olavi ajaa paikalle autolla. Merkille pantavaa on, että Olavin jonkinasteista väkivallan tekoa auton omistajaa kohtaan ei näytetä. Tässä kokonaisuudessa se olisi täysin tarpeetonta.

TÄNNE EI VOI JÄÄDÄ on elokuva valinnoista elämässä. Rantabileet määrittelevät Eeron lopulliset valinnat: ei enää sitoutumista. Kevät jää rannalle, kokemukset lentävät tienposkeen (josta elokuvan Markku Lahtelan aforistiikalla aloittanut hippi ne löytää). Kevät on enää läsnä vain kasimillisen haikeissa kuvissa.
Miksi tällaisia elokuvia ei voi nähdä missään? Tässäkin kuljetaan kaikilta osin aivan professionaalilla tasolla. Toivon sydämestäni, että Rautaniemi-tuotanto tekisi kaupat jonkin televisioyhtiön kanssa TÄNNE EI VOI JÄÄDÄ-elokuvan esityksestä.

Matti Kuortti

Horror, like no other

During the weekend, at some point I got this weird idea to do this "youtube-comedy" thing. I though I should combine the Sony Bravia -LCD TV commercial to a classic horror film, the Shining, which is also known of its genius use of color, and includes a scene similar to the Sony Bravia commercial.
So here it is:



Here is the original, if someone hasn´t seen it:



ps.
I´ve been writing to this blog now for a year! WUu! Some the writings in the beginning were definitely better, but I hope I can write about something interesting again someday..

Movies and real life

- Addings made 29.5 2007 12.44

(Sorry, I think that my english is on its limits in this text. Some thoughts might be a bit short or badly written)
When people are watching a movie, what do they think about the characters, I mean, why are the characters there, what is the motive for their actions...? Does anyone think this? Yes or no, either way things aren´t that simple.
Cause I´ve confronted some very scary people, and a lot of them, who seem to watch movies in a way which is totally odd to me. If a character is in a movie, Someone has written the part, and an actor has acted him/her in a way which supports the characters role in the movie. So, am I wrong by thinking that a character represents a certain thought, feel or "way of looking" or a "view point" to the subject of the film, or has a function in it to get the plot and message where it is going? This is ofcourse a bit shallow interpretation. A character must rise out of the text to be recognized as a human, not only work as a mathematical factor. But that is a big part of character. Think about the Aristothelic way of telling a story. There is the hero, the protagonist and the antagonist and many others, all have their specific part in the story to keep moving..
Now follows an example full of cliché ->
If we see a film made in the 50´s where the lead character is a man and an anti-hero who gets in situations where he must rise above his own powers compared to his life before, and the reason for this is a woman, who has a smaller part and is more shallowly presented, a troubled woman, who likes lilies but has no boyfriend and is in some kind of danger, possibly because his father is some evil nazi officer.
So, does this story present us an image of all men whit the expection for them to overcome their obstacles and stand up as men? and do you think that this storyline gives us the impression that women in general like lilies and need to be rescued?
My answer is absolutely no!
( yes, this arrangement is really stereotypical, but there is also the "era"-issue. Which is a totally different issue, but important also, interpretation must recognize the time and place where the piece was made, eventhough this isn´t an escape route or justification for anything).
Its more like a tale about overcoming obstacles in general and finding love and exitement in life or something..but not about what men and women are like!
Of course there is that interpretation, and it is true also, but it is very very dangerous to think that it could be the only way on interpretating it! Movies are art and if someone thinks that he can give a full and thorough analysis of a movie he or she should stop watching films and go out and live.
People can choose what they see. That is relevant in watching films too.

Every time someone shows us an image of a person or something, it is presenting somekind of characteristics that the presentator finds important or likable.
Every image is a statement!
But in order to make stories and movies, one must use images and characters and their characteristics and sometimes characters evolve in a direction which is not the must likable or not the most thorough presentation of the group that that specific character is a part of. Should every movie have in them a complete range of every characteristic a human could have to make them acceptable?

If the audience can not understand the connection between the different statements or images, what is the synthesis that they produce together, because that is what film is about, either the storytelling of a film is bad, or the audience doesn´t want to recieve the point, or is not ready to understand it.

Of course he/she who makes these images must be aware what kind of vision of world he/she is representing. And if the images are somehow questionable, one should maybe take the story and message under closer look.

I am not saying that portraying stereotypical images is OK or could always be justified. No. But if someone does decide to create some characters who are somehow stereotypical or something, there could be a reason for it? Maybe, maybe not.

My point in short is, that movies are small tales about life, they tell us things by presenting them through selected sort of characters and events, which are not to be taken literally in any situation. Movies are not telling us how we should live or how we should observe life.

movies affect our life, but I guess that real people have much greater impact on us than movies

Psychoanalysis is especially dangerous way of interpretating films. Being my self a big "fan" of Freud and Jung, It is the way of looking things, not the specific symbols or connections that those guys, especially Freud made. For example, ever though about the precious world-wide-famous award winning trilogy of The Lord of the Rings, in a point of view of traditional psychoanalysis.. some really funny stuff can be seen.
Or look at the same films keeping in mind the man-woman matter. Not so funny anymore.
You could say "Those films are fantasy films". But it might be just me, but films are films. In my eyes they are all fantasies. And how far of everyday life a film is, more exact it can be in telling us about our life. I dont make such direct segregation between films, just by in what genre they happen to be.

Connecting the same interpretations for symbols and characteristics from one artwork to another is not so right thing to do as one might think. I mean, that one must learn the system in whit a specific artwork works in, in order to analyse it and make connections from it to the real world:
"On a traffic light red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. But on a banana it's the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead and red means "Where the fuck did you get that banana at?""
-Mitch Hedberg

So, Im just warning everyone to think again. Was the interpretation you just made, out of the film or out of your own way of seeing and thinking life, and your own wants and desires was just unjustily placed on the shoulders of an innocent movie?

no sense.

Hi,
I just did this stupid test, while waiting a wedding video to render..how exiting! I found this from the really active blog of Niklas Piiparinen. I was anoyed about the result, not sure if its true..these test are so interesting. I´ll propably delete this post later..

I got this weird job doing a dvd for these young athletes. A lot to do, and not very nice work, but...easy money! (well not so easy, but alot of it ;) ) also, in a few weeks we are making a music video for Omnium gatherum. Kaihoro-video is ready soon! And the artpiece for Patterson is on its way! So, stuff coming.

6 days, filming the real life Beat

I just returned from Tampere. I was an assistant director, production manager, lightcrew, grip and catering-man in this documentary, or ethno-fiction. We shot two guys who lived in Tamepere, the film is called "Hulttiot" translated maby "Scoundrels". Director was Jaakko Ruuska, and the guys we shot were Jaakkos friends Joona and Ilmari. The thing was that these guys acted themselves. So it was kind of fiction, but a documentary, cause we never took a second take and the guys acted this kind of enhanced reality. It is not about improvisation, cause they are not actors and are not ment to act.

These shootings really affected me. First, my thoughs about Tampere as an interesting, quite small but a big city, got confirmed and enhansed by visiting all these interesting places we shot in. And the guys, Joona and Ilmari were something straight out of some Jack Kerouacs book. Really interesting personalities and characters with interesting lifestyles, thougts and tales. The way the guys talked and behaved affected me aswell. This strange, slow and thoughtfull way of talking and moving. The fact that this film has a lot of similarities with my own "We can not stay here" shortfilm (which wasn´t accepted to Tampere film fest by the way), but it happened for real, where as my own film was based on my own life but the style and events and all that was totally fiction. But these guys lived it.

We left from Helsinki at around 07.30 a.m. on Thursday morning. We drove to Tampere with 2 cars, one big wan with all the lights and one smaller car. Jaakko changed the timetables cause the weather wasn´t good enough for the scene we planned to do first. We drove to TTVO to pickup some lights and light crew members. One of these were this guy, Anton who had promised to give us a place to stay during these shootings. He was a nice guy! We went to Joonas place, which was in the nice neighborhood of Pispala, this old wooden house, painted with this hippie-style paintings from the inside. Joona wasn´t home, so we had to wait for a while, we started to put the lights on and did some hazardous light set ups. Jaakko wanted to be alone with Joona, so me and Anton left and Jussi Rantala (who was recording the sound for the first 3 days) stayed there, sitting behind the door, recording sound.
We went to Antons place. It was an old building, fromerly the flat had been somekind of kindergarten, the nameplates were still on the door "Lastenseimi". Six people lived in this flat. We stayed in Antons room, which was a mess, he apologized about it. When Jaakko called few hours later we went to pack the lighst and equipments and went to eat. The place we ate in had some problems getting us the receipt, propably they usually never give one to the customer.
In the evening Jaakko went to sleep at Joonas place, and Jussi went to some gig somewhere, so I stayed at Antons. Which upset me a bit, cause I was tired and felt that I didn´t have the strength to communicate and get to now some new guys (there were some Antons friend also).

Well anyway, On the next day, Friday a girl named Jenni arrived from Turku. She came to do some camera-assistant job. We had a strange day coming. The shootings took place in a public sauna. We had few hours to put all the lights up and the camera had to be in the sauna, warming up 2 hours before shooting, otherwise it wouldn´t work properly. We had only one hour to shoot all the shots in the sauna. Ilmari arrived late and we had to start without him. The sauna was full of local sauan-men, who were all happy about the fact that the sauna was free ´couse of us shooting there. The guys didn´t mind us shooting, and I think we got some nice shots there. One of the guys said to Ilmari "Listen, Just cut your hair, go to army and then come here with us to sauna and you´ll be a man.." something like this. Ilmari is a slim young guy with curled long hair, he looked funny between these big sauna-men. After shootings we went to some place called Jalla Jalla to eat.
In the evening we went to see a play directed by Ilmari and Joona acted in it. It was held in this culturehouse in Pispala. The house was full of culture-people, some sat on the floor, drank whisky, some just hanged around. The play was lit whit an old 8mm projector. and all the characters looked like characters from the silent movie era. The play was really scary and at times really intensive. It had no dialogue, someone just played violin to do the sound. The story was something that I couldn´t grasp or put in to words right now, but it didn´t seem confusing. Something about having a child, being a false mother, about image and responsibility I guess. It had a lot of blood in it. After this stunning experience me and Jenni went to town and to cafe Europa to drink some beer. I saw Eci there too.
We had some troubles getting in to Antons apartment, cause he wasn´t home and none of the people who lived there knew that we stayed there. But we got in.

On Saturday we shot at Anttila and on the street near it. A new guy, Patse, came to help us out. I arraged a parking place for us in front of the Anttila. First we shot some scenes at the street where Ilmari and Joona walked on the street and Ilmari suddenly starts to shoot Joona with a funny looking toy gun. Then the guys run inside Anttila and steal some money from a whisingfountain. I think these scens worked out really well. Ilmari and Joona seemed happy about this day also, Ilmari was a bit resistant during the first two days. This old lady came to talk to us. She asked what we were doing and then suddenly started to tell with a fragile voice that she went to work at age of 12 and never got treated as a child, doing a mans job. A nice old lady. On saturday evening we went to at at RAX buffet and had some nice moments there. Joona put some espresso to his coke-cup and then filled it with icecream..things like this. We all ate too much and felt bad afterwards. On the evening Jenni and Jussi left and Svante joined us. He came to record the sound.

ADDED later: I had a dream one night that someone was filming me and when we looked the material I was Ilmari..! Scary.

On sunday we first shot some nice scenes on this warehouseplace, the kind of which are always located near trainstations, you know what I mean. We got some nice shots there. It was really cold and my toes were frozen, and jaakko made me run back and forth to the van. After this we went to eat some overprized chinese meals. I was stressed cause I was responsible for the money.
After this we went to Ilmaris place, to shoot a scene with Ilmari and his stepfater. I thought that It wouldn´t work out, that it would be too fictional, you know. But what amazed us all was the thing that it worked out really well. The Stepfather was supposet to talk to ilmari about life values and getting job and this basic stuff you tell a young guy who doesn´t work or study. And I think that the style of Ilmari and the step father were so completely different, and eventough they were clearly in these roles, it worked out nicely, cause Ilmari replied in his own weird kind of way, and they clearly had gone trough these conversations many times, so it wasn´t a problem to do them again in front of the camera. "I want to turn in to a bird" replied Ilmari, when is stepfater asked him what he is going to do with his life.

Monday was a easy day, Jaakko shot alone with Ilmari some scenes and we went to help in few shots. There was a lot to arrange and to do, so a day with a little less shooting was welcome.
On Tuesday, the final day, we shot one shot where Ilmari left his apartment, for real, and moved to Helsinki. We had to pack his things to our equipment van. Then we went to shoot some scenes to a place where people went to swin in the winter to a hole in the ice. It was a complex shot, we had to wait for a train to go on a bridge nearby, cause jaakko wanted Ilmari, Joona, a swimmer and a train to same shot. The swimmer Jaakko had called didn´t show up so I had to talk to some people there who agreed to swim when we asked.
After these shots we shot under a bridge, some nice improvised drumming. Then we ran out of film. But I thing we got all shots needed.
We left tamepere and returned all the equipment and went to exodus to talk in the evening, but I was so tired that I left aroun 00.15 a.m.

Now I must do some reports and calculate all the receipts.

But a really nice shootings, really gave me things to think about and some perspective to things. It was also fun to do things with a small crew, this was nothing like the previous shootings I´ve written about here.

I hope that things go well for Ilmari and Joona, Joona is going to India in few months and Ilmari moved to helsinki to do some theater things. The shootings continue during the spring, we´ll see if I am taking part in them again.

5.1. 2007 The premiere! an oustanding success!

It is over! My god people! Amazing. I must say, this year started great! This week was really intensive, I was really nervous all the time, I couldn´t sleep, I couldn´t eat much.. On tuesday morning I was in Helsinki, in the evening I was in Kouvola, producing a musicvideo for Kaihoro with Harri Pikka. On wednesday morning a newspaper article was done about my movie and me. The interview went well. In the afternoon I went to Kouvola to shoot the musicvideo. Some weird and nice and really rock´n roll attitude stuff came from there, much to do in the edit...And the dvd´s arrived from estonia!! great! BUT on thursday the article was on the days local paper. It was a good piece, but it mentioned kaurismäki for 6 times!! why!? Well, I´ll put it on my pages soon..

Then the radio-guy from the kymenlaakson radio called and wanted me to come to a live interview on friday morning. On thursday it was explained to me that at Kyminsuu, the place where the premiere was supposed to be, you couldn´t serve alcohol. So I had to make some phonecalls and arrange some securityguys to come there. I was so stressed that I couldn´t sleep well.

On friday I went to the interview, which went well I guess. I planned my opening speech for the premiere on friday day. At 5.00 p.m. we started organizing the premiere. My grandmother did some saltysnacks and Laitila sponsored us with some lemonade. We had 30 liters of wine.

Then, suddenly, there was 300 people at Kyminsuu. there is 299 seats in that theater. There was so much people there, I went into a shock. "Who are these people!" I thought. "Why are they here!!" Everyone was there. Everyone!

The securityguys told me that they had to close the door and some people who came a bit late had to be turned away, there simply wasn´t enough room. Amazing... People were standing at the doorway. It was a bit chaotic.
I was so amazed that my opening speech didn´t go as planned but it was later told to me that it went well and I seemed nervous but sweet.
I coudn´t watch the movie.
It took about a half an hour for the people to get out from the theater, cause the lobby just wasn´t big enough. Unofficial information is that there were 340 people there. The actors seemed happy and maybe a bit suprised about the film. But we had a really nice time, altough I didn´t have enough time to talk to everyone.
I sold about 60 dvds I guess. Im a bit tired right now. I don´t know if the people liked the movie or not. It doesn´t matter anyway, I guess.
Here are some pics: Thanks to everyone! Everyone. Thank you so much! This was something amazing.
There is nothing else to say, exept I have a post about the shortfilm which I haven´t posted yet..I´ll post it later.
thank you.

Final steps.

Yes, last weekend we did the final sound design and mixin for the movie. I must say, I didn´t have a nice weekend at Kotka, just chilling and doing some sounds. No. On friday we recorded some final sounds for the film, and sat in Arttus apartment ´till 00.00 a.m. There was a lot to do and we did some desperate choices there. On saturday arttu moved the project and files to the studio of Kotka citytheater, where we on sunday did the mixing. Sunday was a hard day, we struggled with the fact that there wasn´t just enough sounds recorded for the movie. Especially for the party scene, there was no sound.
At around nine o´clock in the evening we stopped and thought that this was it. I drove home (to my parents place ) and ate a bit and drove back to Helsinki. There I put the sound to avid, where I found out that there was something wrong with it. Arttu told me that he forgot to normalize the track, I tried to do it put it didn´t help. Sound were missing, changes in the sound and so on. I was shocked. I looked at the film and though "this supposed to be the finished film..this is shit! I must burn everything and cancel the premiere!" I was catatonic. Somehow I fell asleep and in the morning I took the tape with me and started to digitize it..but then I called to arttu and told him that things must be done again. Arttu was ready to do the changes and did the whole monday things to the track. By the way, while I digitized the material, this one guy who works at our school "Kössi" looked at the first scene and said "Is this filmed in Ruisrock, in year 1967?" I looked at him and didn´t know what to say but "No.." then he just replied "well, it looked like that back then. those kind of long haired weirdos all around"
At thispoint I must tell you, I ordered a MacBookPro from apple.fi, the have a home delivery service. On friday when I was at arttus place the delivery guy phoned and wondered if I would be home. Well I wasn´t and told him that on monday after 4 p.m. would be nice. On monday another guy called at around 10 a.m. and asked if he could deliver tha package to me. I said no and was a bit frustradet cause I knew that I wouldn´t be home in the afternoon. Then I asked the guy if he could deliver the computer to my school, and he did! How nice! so now I have a new computer! how cool is that!
So anyway after school I drove back to Karhula, to Arttus place, where we checked the audiottrack. Then I went to my parents place, and showed them the posters, (which have also arrived!) 3 posters were clued together from one part of the poster, and the color ripped of from the surface, Im in the middle of an e-mail conversation what should be done about the fact.
On friday this guy contacted me, about an sportstraining video for some sports thingie. They said that they have a good offer, but the price is 6000 euros, so they are asking for other people for the job. ! so I said that I am interested, but just not sure how much work it would include. Put im sure that it isn´t so big thing that I couldn´t do it for, lets say a 1500 euros. great!
Well see what happens.
Now I am at the dvd producin place at our school. I have already digitized the film for 2 times, but something has gone wrong each time. Lets see if I am able to finish the dvd today. If I do finish it, Ill go and buy some sparkling wine! Then I´ll send the dvd to the printing place on thursday trough somekind of fastmail! yeah!
But today I thought all the hours I have spend on making this shortfilm. It sickens me. But, what else is there to do? Musicvideos maybe? I don´t know. I have done other things too, but all the things, chestbuttons, posters and this dvd printing thingie and the premiere is just something to nibble on cause I´ve done this thing..this shortfilm. The shortfilm is almost secondary now. And that is terribly wrong. Well, I could not have done anything about the shortfilm while it was at arttus hands, so maybe I just passed the time by doing all this crap material around the shortfilm..
But, today might be the final day!

space in between

So, now I don´t edit anymore. Which is a relief and I´m somewhat relaxed. But I´m in a bit strange place now. I do graphic designs for the dvd and colorcorrections and stickers and chestbuttons and the sound designing haven´t even started yet. We have had some softwareproblems, and the premiere date is very uncertain now..dvd printing will be done in Estonia cause its much more cheaper there. it will take 2 weeks to get the dvds from there..there will be 300 copies of the movie..?! but it will cost as much to do them as it would to make 100 in finland.. so..buy! price will be announced later.
The song we have in the film, Kauko Röyhkä - Kotikaupunkini, played by Mikko Nenonen will cost us 250 euros to put it in. Thats a bit shame. But there is no other choice. We also had to ask the permission to use Kaukos lyrics, but that went quite easily; " Voit käyttää uudelleen sävellettyä Kotikaupunkini-tekstiä elokuvassasi. Kauko Röyhkä" ( basicly like this: you can use my lyrics) I got this e-mail from him yesterday. Thanks kauko!
But now when the film is out of my hands sort of, I´m beginning to be frustrated. There are moments, like now when I hate the film and I´m really ashamed that I made this kind of film. Bad film. I know, that this is all really absurd and so on, but when the film is finished, I have been working on it for a year. A whole year. Thats a lot of time. And it isn't anything remarkable. the film. This kind of feeling gives you a new push to do something else. But also it feels really hard, cause I'm still a bit tired from this project, not so much anymore. but anyway. I'm really insecure. I just want this all to be over. Cause it isn't so big thing after all. or is it?
I just wish I could do things one at the time. I feel like everything that I am doing, Im thinking something else at the same time..but I guess that is impossible, unless you just do one thing..this doesn´t make any sense anymore.
Some ideas for the next film. It will take place in fall, few years in the future. There will be a strong lead character, unlike this film I did, it will not be a realistic film, altough it will take place in this world, but not quite. hard to explain. better not. It will probably be shot in Helsinki. ..

Final cut!!!!

Yes. The shortmovie is now edited. Yesterday I watched it, and did four minor changes to some cutpoints, and thought: Thats it. I´m happy. The movie is something around 24min40s. long, without credits.
Now begins the sound designing. Hope everything goes well. I try to get to Karhula as soon as possible to visit Arttu and give him all the material needed. While Arttu does his sound designing, I finish the graphic design, colour correction (which takes a lot of time) and all kinds of postproduction thingies needed to be done. I guess in a month or so we can deside the premiere date! That will be awesome. I must also edit all the extramaterial to the dvd and do subtitles.
Editing prosses was hard, but not so intensive, cause I didn´t have the time to do it full time. But that´s okay, cause I had more time to think about it this way. It is funny how it came closer to the original script, the one written 3 years ago, as I edited the material. Some scens were cut out, which weren´t in the original script anyway. Some scenes are changed and assimilated to others. a minor change in the order of the scenes has been done.
There is the feeling of inspiration and happines when you discover new ways to do things, especially with the material you have been working with a long time. Its almost as good feeling as the feeling in a filminglocation when you see that this scene works and the material will be great (unfortunately its rarely true, altough it feels like it) and you are in state of inspiration all the time. These kind of feelins are the reason to do things like this. Its a natural high almost! (sorry for the cliche again).
What is a bit bad is the fact that this has really took a lot of my time and energy, and now it is really hard to find the strenght to do schoolwork. i feel like vomiting when I think that I must edit the next 8 weeks of archive material to some kind of short film. Well, not yet but in few weeks will begin a class which takes 8 weeks...oh my god.

New script has begun to evolve in my brain. Soon I begin to write it. I´m very exited about it. But I can´t tell you much about it. I had the idea while shooting this film, and slowly I realized the connections to my other ideas, and realised that this is a script to be done. Everything will start again! But it might take a while before it is done, for I must really concentrate on the next script, cause it must be much much better than the last one.

Now it is time to do some musicvideo-videoart things, and concentrate to school..maby. And ofcourse, to do the sound design and dvd for this shortmovie. So, it never ends, Im always busy.

Nearing the end of editing.

Thanks for all the support, I really appreciate it. But things arent´t so bad as I may make them sound. The shortfilm is now in a pretty good shape. I cut everything out, just to put them back in, in a different way. Many fresh ideas came during last week. I was really happy. Lenght is now 25minutes. This week or next week I will stop editing. All depends how long I can work with the material during next weeks. I have a lot to do again. I should edit one shortmovie (with 30minutes of material, which isnt so much) and this week I must edit a cinema verité-documentary practise, at school. It´s also Love&Anarchy- filmfestival. I have 8 tickets..maby. Let´s see. Yesterday I saw Scanner Darkly and Regular Lovers, I´ll propably write about them later, if I have time. Colour me Kubric, Artschool confidental, Tideland, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, Science of Sleep and Pan´s Labyrinth are yet to see.
Even though I stop editing in nearby weeks, it doesn´t mean that the movie will be finished. Our sound designer Markku has left the project. Nothing personal I guess, we had no dissagreements or anything, He just felt that he must concentrate to his bands next album.
So, now Arttu Horttanainen will do the sound designing. Hope evertyhing goes well, there will be a bit more for me to do now. But that´s okay I guess. Also the DVD printing is a problem, and that will require some time also.
I´m planning to do some buttons..chestbuttons, I don´t know what they are in English..So anyway. 5 different kinds, about the movie ofcourse, all will have a different character on them. Buy! 2 euros is the price! I don´t know when they will be ready. I must do all this kind of things, buttons, posters, dvd-menus some day...
Only thing I´m a bit nervous about is the fact about the woman characters. They are not meant to represent women in real life, anymore than the male characters are. Maby, when you combine all the characters, you could get something that represenst a person in real life, but in this movie characters represent ideas more than people.

Big Changes

hello. Today I did some massive changes to the movie. It is now 24 minutes long and, as you might guess, we must say goodbye to some supporting roles. This was really hard thing to do. But screening today convinced me that this must be done.

It is a really funny thing you know. You do something, for so long, you don´t want to loose anything related to it. I love all the material, even the parts I hate. I couldn´t cut anything out. And still can´t, cause Im not sure what is the point in that. The movie won´t be anything like shortmovies made in Taik (my school) or any other school. It is not about the characters, eventough there is a lot of colorfull ones, not about the plot, not about the milieu..so what is it about? The movie is made from totally selfish reasons. Its my daydream from few years back. Its about a feel I had back then. Its a sum of things and events I think are cool. Nothing more. Even the characters, whichs leads to a certain problem about the womancharacters, which are suprisingly often considered as stupid and naive and some people have questioned my mental picture about women because of this. But I cannot understand that. this has nothing to do with that. The women are what they are supposed to be like in this kind of story. Why? Isint that a clisee? Yes!!. But from my point of view, the whole film is naive. No one stands on a bridge drinking red wine and sayin "these roads split the city in half" thats just stupid!! But anyway, I like the scene in my movie.
Im not trying to hide behind things or defend the movie from critisism. Or maby I am. Anyway, this was a test. A sample. what can be done..what not..youknow..I´ve said this before.

Still, After all this, there are still things that work, and things that dont. Today I got some opinions saying in short that "this movie is totally bad". so, that gave me some perspective.

Altough most of the critisism which I recieved were about things I had already thought about., there is something in that when you get some one else to say it. It is hard, you get angry and frustrated and you feel like saying "you dont understand anything! Shut up!" but at the same time, if you can keep calm and think about it, It is often the thing you wanted to hear. Why show it to anyone when its not finished if you want to hear just how good it is.

Now Im really embarassed about the versions I´ve shown to people. But I guess thats one of the lessons of this. Speaking of lessons, this has been a really interesting experiment. I now undestand bad films more! :) no, seriously, this is so allcovering project, you know, whole thing in my arms, almost. That, as I´ve said, this had to be done, to prevent mistakes like this in the future.

It is also overwhelming to see your self surrounded by clisee. A 22 year old art student made a shortfilm which is totally artsy, no connection to reality, bad dialogue and incomprihensible plot. Nudity is just missing.

I also found a wallet. It had 200 euros in it. I phoned the numberfinder and found the number of the person whos drivers license was in the wallet. He seemed a bit stressed about the situation and gave me 3 euros. Haha. Anyway I´m happy that I didn´t steal his money. Do good things and good things will happen.

My Neck Hurts.

My head hurts. Because my neck is jammed or something. I try to stretch out in the mornings, but it doesn´t help. I might have to start doing some sports more often, altough I try to jog once a week and swim. But I haven´t swam in many months, in the sense of sports I mean. Ofcourse I´ve swam in the summer but that has nothing to do with sports.
The TRAILER for the shortmovie "We Can Not Stay Here" is online. Please watch it. Music is by Markku Lahtelan Sirkus their music will be almost all music in the movie. yeah.

The Ex bass player for anathema contacted me to do some videoartvideo to his new soloalbum songs. That is cool. really cool. This will be an interesting project. great.

Time is limited for humans.One day is sometimes really short period of time. I´ve expanded it by putting my computer to work and going shopping/school and so on. Also I´m preparing to buy a laptop. That will expand my working hours more. this big computer can render and capture video, while I do other things with my laptop. THis means that I can do things faster, and more, which means that I will go insane. Or maby not. Maby it´ll help.

I´ve shot and edited two weddingvideos while editing the shortmovie, going to school, seeing my girlfried (yeah, seems that I have a girlfriend now ;) ) and doing other stuff which I cannot recall. Going to movies and bars and so on...reading exambooks ( which actually I haven´t done). So, the weddingvideos really anoyed me, but money is money, what can you do.
But editing weddingvideos really numbs you. I´m proud and scared to say that atleast some of the weddingvideos I´ve done really turn out to be good, like the latest. I shoot them with 2 cameras ( latest video was the first I shot with my new camera, really nice progressive picture, changes of focus..things like that..yeah!) and I edit them to be a nice 1hour thing.. I really don´t know why I write this here. I won´t do any weddingvideos anymore! You can imagine how I felt last week when I had swedishclass and in the evenings I edited weddingvideos. I was ready to tear my eyes out.

But that´s over now. Markku has done some small sounddesign things for the movie, but I haven´t locked the picture yet.. This week I´ll watch it from a big screen! That will be interesting. I´ll take some my friend editing students with me and expetc them to say something. Yesterday I did a new ending for the film. really nice. really. ALtough the music is not yet what I want..

Editing..editing. a small break now

Now I will stop editing for few weeks. Today I started a swedish language class, cause it´s necessary to my BA-examination. (Probaply not a very good idea to write here in english now, it feels really hard, cause all day I´ve tried to switch my thinking to swedish). Also this week is the art goes kapakka festival, espoo cine festival, night of arts and on friday I´ve supposed to have a test on Rabiger: Directing documentary - book. Which I hate, and haven´t read trough yet. So a a busy week coming.
I named my film some days ago. I´m not sure about the english title yet, but the name in finnish is "Tänne ei voi jäädä" translated it means "One can not stay here".
I showed it to one young moviedirectorgenious, a classmate of mine. He laughed a lot and shook his head and said something like "What a cult-piece, I´d never had guts to do anything like this. Quite a spectacle." He also had some nice ideas about the beginning of the film. Then one of the actors and a dear friend of mine Juippi saw the film. He was truly impressed and said "When putting things in a certain perspective, this film is almost better than Predator, maby." (Predator is his favourite movie).
My parents also saw the latest version, they seemed a bit puzzled but happy about the fact that the shortfilm turned out to be something. They said that it doesn´t hide its feelings..or I don´t hide them.
So everything looks well. On sunday I met with Markku, the sound designer, he seemed also happy about the film and wanted to start working on it as soon as possible. that is good, but I´m still on the editing prosess, and It`ll take a while untill I can lock the picture.
The ending music is a big problem. I don´t know what to do with it.

first decent version!

Today was the first time somebody saw the short movie (workingtitle:) "Karhula". I edited a 29 minute version and showed it to one of my fellow editors at school. She was pleased to be the first one to see this film.
Just the thought of showing this version made me do some changes to it. This is good, cause when you are alone with the material, its stops affecting you. You don´t feel anything. Today I got some good impressions and got in touch with the movie again. I got some good advices and encouragement from the person I showed it. I guess she was one of the people who will like this film, cause I´m sure that this will divide people. Some will hate this kind of naive artsy shit. I´m doing my best to do this honestly, not to do any choices because I´m afraid or something.
So anyway, this was a good day. And I´m also happy for other reasons, I now have some life outside my room, away from my computer and away from this movie. It has been very refreshing to be outside, doing other things with real people again. Not just actors or people on the computersceer.
I´m also having second thoughts about my haircutting thing. I´ve also had some ideas about the title of the film. One is a sentence, other just one word... I don´t know which is better. But it wont be "Karhula" cause that doesn´t mean shit.
There will be a 3dvd boxset available this fall. Musicvideo dvd (version 2) with over 15 musicvideos, Videoworks - dvd (something like videoart but not videoart) with over 15 works also. And The Early Works - dvd, with a lot of material on it. These dvd´s will include animation, things which are availabe on my homepage, demoversions of videos, never before seen footage.. all kinds of things. Buy! Price will be something around 10-15 euros. Now the dvds will have menus, not like the earlier musicvide dvd which was made in a hurry. Those who already have the Musicvideo dvd I´ll give the new version for free (or with a discount) if they buy the other 2! waU!!!
I also had a really great weekend, I didn´t notice how the time went by, wasn´t worried or stressed out by anything,almost everything was well. But today when I wen´t to get my camera out of repairment i sat down on a metro and read the local citynewspaper and saw this headline "Dark weekend". Atleast 17 people were killed in accidents around Finland..! and the things in Isreal and all that area are going straight to hell. I was really pissed off. Problem is that I don´t know anything about anything. I´m frustrated.
I´m sure my next work will be a bit angrier and more dark. Not much, but I have some new ideas concerning my next doing.. hm. Better not to write them here.